Trickmonet, Strokes of Thought

a tiny glimpse from the coffee house

trickmonet — Sun, 18 Sep 2011 00:55:53 +0000

the tiny refractors from the glass on the table

the movement of his hand

I only see his eyes

sip, sip, this spiced chai raises my anticipation for fall

I use to sit alone and write to wonder

Now I’m sitting with you writing and wondering

this friendly familiarity comforts me, knowing that I don’t have to try so hard with you.

I’m me, existing in this chair writing and wondering.

your sweet love your tender kisses, the way you smell my hair and wave at me from across and your smile

these are the treasures of our friendship and sincerity. My Love.

This August Heat and a week of Me time

trickmonet — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 02:10:31 +0000

This August heat has disturbed my cycling habit for the past 2 months. I gloriously proclaim, “that by next summer I will be leaving this Texas summer heat for good!” The last time I updated this blog was in April, that was the month that I went on my first bike tour. My friends and I spent Easter weekend in the Hill Country of Texas. I cycled a total of 40 miles that weekend on a fixie in the Hill Country. I’m very proud of that since I’m a nube to bike tours. In July, I cycled 25 miles at the Peach Pedal in Weatherford. Even though the weather has been wretched I can say, “I did it!” Slow steps to victory.

I’m still dating my Best Friend we are getting along very well. However, I find myself thinking about my ex from 2 years ago, the same one that I have mentioned in previous blogs before. I dream of looking in his eyes, I speak to him in my dreams and find myself crying on occasion. I haven’t been able to forget about him. I’m beginning to realize that maybe I’m not supposed to. I learned so much since we met and now he is out of my life, I’m realizing the lessons that were given to me. I know that he and I wouldn’t work today but sometimes I have a tinge and like to fantasize that we are creating art and listening to music together, like we use to. I really enjoyed those times. When I come to think of it, I can think of many good times that I have shared with many people. That thought makes me thankful that I have had the opportunity to share my life with people I care about.

My creative urges are returning to me. I’ve longed for this since I graduated in 2008. I have a couple of projects that I’m starting. I’m interested in street art and anime characters. I’ve sketched up a character and plan on displaying my character in several places around the city. Also, I want to make a pop up book but I’m still working out the details. I just need to get my street art up very soon.

Oh!!! I have acquired a new skill, CAKE DECORATING. Spiral has trained me to do basic cake decorating and so I took it and ran with it. I’ve been practicing at home making cake for family and friends.

This is why I’m staying in tonight, the night after that and the night after that and the….

trickmonet — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 03:07:45 +0000

I was at community meeting there were several activist and curious people there, It was Monday evening. I came in 10 minutes late and found a seat in the middle of the room. I was offered a seat between two friends but I chose to sit close to Him. He had on his usual attire, a hoodie, jeans and a pair of his rare skate shoes. I love his casual style. There was so much I was feeling before I walked in that meeting. I was questioning my relationship with my current boyfriend. It took me a few minutes to situate my thoughts to mentally attend the meeting.

Something happened the night before I could feel it in the air. I began reminiscing about Him and the recent conversations I had with Him. I felt so hurt and doubtful. I know I still love this man that I was with 1 year, 4 months and 5 days ago. I remember that night clearly, the day I was hired at Spiral, December 2, 2009. The moon was full that night that he broke up with me. He is the one he let me go. I wanted us to be together as a couple but he was never really interested. I made the mistake of not taking No for an answer and he finally was over being with me.

Three weeks after we broke up he was seeing other people. I was heartbroken and he was spending time with “Friends.” It took a lot for me to push through to April 2010. That was the first time I saw him after an embarrassing night at a party in January. I was ready to face my heartache my fears and move forward. Yes, he was with the same girl as in January but I was strong and held my dignity.

We share the same social circle so I was at another party, a mutual friend. I was able to be okay to see him and speak to him more than five minutes. I still wanted to be with him. I still loved him but I had to move on with my life. I saw him a few times after and we shared a few drunken moments but that is all it was.

He left to New York for about a year, that was when I was given the opportunity to let go. I would dream of him and think of him. I would sometimes send random texts to let him know I was thinking of him. I missed him. I hoped in so many ways that he would invite me to visit. That he had time to think about us. It was wishful thinking. Don’t get me wrong, I dated around and even thought I found a replacement. When the summer ended the romance ended too. I could never get over Him. Until November.

I think I felt clear and strong about getting over Him. I had already developed a strong friendship with another man whom I’ve known since I was with my ex. We began to have romantic feelings for each other. By the time December 2010 was here I still had my ex in my heart but my interest in my Best Friend.

January 2011, My Ex is back and we have hung out and he as expressed some interest in dating. I was doubtful of his attention because he had the entire year of 2010 to show me that he wanted to be with me and didn’t express interest. Why, is he interested now? He never told me his thought process. I just didn’t trust his feelings because he never told me that he liked me that much before. This time he told me he Loved me. I didn’t understand. How? How can you go so long without reaching out to tell me before you came back into town. Why didn’t you ask me to visit if you really wanted to be with me?

He told me heLoved me after I told him that my best friend wanted to date me. He never came out with it before. Now, he has told my close circle that I hurt him. I don’t understand. This is what he wanted, he wanted me out of his life. He broke up with me and I was there every chance that he was in town. I showed him that I was interested but he never told me that he wanted me back. How can it be that I hurt him when it’s me who is still hurting, still crushing, and still crying that this didn’t work out?

I’m not sure how true his intentions are that is why I decided not to date him anymore since he has returned. I still love him. It’s hard to see him. I still feel stirred up inside when I see his face. I still cry.

I want to be with someone who truly wants to be with me. I’m in a romantic relationship with my Best Friend, I trust him. He knows how I feel, he entered a relationship with me knowing my feelings. I’ve been very honest with him. We are good together, we make a great team. We DO things, GO places, have FUN. We are HONEST and can BE OURSELVES with each other. These are important qualities that I have never had in a romantic relationship.

I just want to get to a point that I can start developing loving feelings for my best friend. It will take time. I have to stay away from HIM, I still feel for HIM.

CheckPoint: April

trickmonet — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 06:07:15 +0000

So I haven’t written in a while, mostly I haven’t had enough personal time to do so. This is my place marker and a bit of what I experienced in the past four months of this year.

Loving someone that I cannot be with.

Spending life with my Best Friend

Realizing it’s hard to Love and Let Go of someone physically and embracing my own feelings for what they are.

Remembering that I am who I am and to hold on to who I am.

I have to accept the good and the bad with my partner.

It’s okay to love whomever my heart allows.

I must be smarter than my Feelings.

I miss my Freedom.

I enjoy sharing my life with others.

I’m happy with where my life is going.

I decided that Seattle is my relocation destination in 2012.

I’m okay with the unknown.

“Bartender, One sex on the beach, please.”

trickmonet — Sun, 30 Jan 2011 01:45:05 +0000

I have to share what happened today. I’m on a road trip with my best friend we are in Galveston, TX. We watched the sunrise from the beach and went on the ferry to the next Island, then we went back to another beach took a nap. Okay, everything is awesome and good times, right? Well, the Cherry On Top for me was when I woke up from my nap I saw a group of people in trench coats and photographers getting out of a car from a distance. Of course my curiosity is raised, I look to my friend and decide not to disturb and keep this to myself. Well awesomeness happened the first trenched girl takes of her coat and she is dressed in a rope suit and they tie her to the pier posts on the beach they start photographing her, In succession the other trenched girl is dressed as a cheerleader and then tied to the post too. Well things are so interesting I cant help but wake my friend. Thankfully, we had binoculars in the bag and I scrambled to grab them. After a closer look it was eye candy LOL! I was laughing and commenting all sorts of crazy shit. This was by far the best people watching I have come across and it was live on the beach. LOL!

Good times.

Welcome Home, O Igniter

trickmonet — Wed, 26 Jan 2011 23:53:05 +0000

illustrated by eugen81-Yozh

I am the sun you are the moon, something I use to say to you. Months have passed without you near, I have become a whole person. Thank you to all who have hurt me you helped me understand who I am. While you were gone, I learned how special friendship is to me it has replaced my need for the feeling of romantic love.

I was a romantic love addict I applied the thought to my closest lovers but after many heartaches and disappointments I realized I was chasing the wind.

While you were away, I learned to cherish companionship and friendship. I stopped hoping to fall in love with any lover I met. The thought is somber contrasted by my excitement for being “in LOVE.” This doesn’t mean I have lost hope for that feeling again. It just means that it is a different way of doing things.

I understand what it means to have a “best friend” these days. When I think back when you always spoke of your best friend and how well you got on with her, I felt left out and jealous. I wanted to have that friendship. Now I have that friendship and very thankful of it.

Your here in this same city/state and I’ve seen your face so close to mine. I can’t deny that you are my weakness. A friendship is what I want with you, I no longer want to fear losing you again. You inspire me and stir up my curiosities.

Side Cheese? No, thank you

trickmonet — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 08:01:50 +0000

photo taken by robbplusjessie

Sometimes I just want to say this: I give up! Thats it, I’m done. Now I want to shout it: I GIVE UP! I’M DONE! (funny, the new google pad will be without caps lock).

I’m back on the dating scene in the limited gene pool of Fort Worth, Texas. Fort Worth has a majority of conservative thinkers and christian men and women alike. This limits my dating options also, I prefer available singles too. Meaning that the men I’ve been meeting are in long term relationships and they want “side cheese.”

hmmf, I think of myself as a Main Course and Dessert together.

Oh, Happy Holidays!

Thank You for stopping and reading. Much Happiness.

Merry December

trickmonet — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 05:01:16 +0000

This is the third year for me to spend Christmas as a single person. However, this year is the best because I am not pining away with a broken heart.

Shakespeare-Much Ado …

trickmonet — Thu, 11 Nov 2010 07:08:48 +0000

When I heard the first stanza of this love story, I thought the poetry of love has remained true through the centuries. The development of technology has changed our ways of dating yet disappointment to romantic love remains as eternal as our humanity.

"Sigh no more, ladies, sigh nor more;
    Men were deceivers ever;
One foot in sea and one on shore,
    To one thing constant never;
        Then sigh not so,
        But let them go,
    And be you blithe and bonny;
Converting all your sounds of woe
    Into. Hey nonny, nonny."....
William Shakespeare (Much Ado About Nothing)

mehh

trickmonet — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 16:10:47 +0000

Once again, I’m wondering why I’m participating in social networking and dating sites. I’m feeling the urges of deleting my profiles again. I just don’t enjoy fb or dating site, funny, my dating profile has a personality icon that labels me as arrogant. LOL, I feel a little insulted as I laugh about it. Oh yeah then I signed up with meet up but the meetups I’ve attended are few because I’m so busy working or hanging out doing something else. Also, my ex is in one of the groups I want to participate in and I’m not ready to see him again. Oh my I’m feeling fickle.

I’m just gonna keep it simple, that is why I chose to have this blog and forget about the rest. blah blah blah..